Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Amost the end of 2009...
Ok. I made my first entry in April..so i will try again. I had every intention of "blogging" my way through the summer and fall...but here I am on December 29th - 2009 editing my second entry.
I got sucked into the wedding season and life...Every weekend was an out of area weekend so that meant either traveling with my dogs or finding a dog sitter...as I do not put Moxie and Mocha in a kennel...omg. My computer crashed in July and then the semester required my full attention in the Fall.
I did manage to sneak in a trip to Kona in July for 5 short days and made sure I soaked in the ocean every day while I was there. Living in the California foothills works for me most of the time - unless it is scorching hot in the summer - then I feel land locked and can only think of being near the ocean. I actually considered renting a fog machine last summer during the heat wave. I think I might have been delusional and dehydrated....I'm laughing.
My 'o9 semester at the college was really amazing... all my classes had great chemistry and if I hear a lot of laughter during the darkroom lab then I assume that people are feeling open and creative. It is always hard for me to experience the end of the semester...The bonding, growth attachment, stuggles and success build to this sort of cresendo the last few weeks of class...and I am always a bit sad to say goodbye...so part of this holiday break is letting go.
I have been going through my own thing with photography.. Lately I have been comparing my relationship to photography to marriage; You fall love with it and are obsessed with it - then make a life committment to it...Then over time you realized that the fantasy of the profession is different then the reality..Like most things in life. After 12 years of running a business and shooting weddings intensely in the summer...My knees are feeling it and my body doen't quite recover as quickly after a gig like it used to. So i find myself asking myself: "Why am i doing this again?"...like someone might say.."why did I marry this person?....Well..Becasue I fell in love and at the time felt like it was the one thing in life that made me feel passionate and creative. And Happy. Photography fed me and made me feel alive and gave me a purpose. My challenge this year is to make more time to do my own work and to make more time for just me and my camera and no one else...to photography for me - not just when I'm getting paid. This is the risk when you turn something you love into work. I have just realized that I am more than a wedding photographer. I am an artist and need to make sure I keep that part of myself alive. Perhaps in a marriage with a person - the same thing happens. You go through a process where you realized you are more than just a part of a "couple". You are an individual and need to make sure that is nurtured and continues to grow. This is not an easy process. I went through a divorce one year ago...and part of the process for me was realizing that i couldn't grow as an individual if I remained in my marriage. Things change. It is no ones' fault really. It is amazing the pain that people choose to put themselves through to be free. Love and freedom rule us. it seems like life is a process of learning to love , learning to accept change and learning to let go...and this repeats itself over and over again in everything we do...and try to be.
I will take some classes in 2010 - just for me - not for my wedding business..concentrate more on people and their pets - which fascinates me. Teach more and offer my own workshops and I am also looking into a MA program in psychology with an emphasis on creativity. To me, my cameras have always been a source of healing and personal growth. In the creative process of photography I am able to work out and express many of the personal issues that come my way.
So it's about balance. Like a couple realizes they need to spend more time together and have "dates"...I need to spend more time alone with my camera and schedule that time... and even acknowledge how I have changed regarding how I "see" things during this process...
Ok...I'm out of coffee beans and need to get to the store after i swim. that's another thing I need to do at least 4 times a week. Swim. That is also a huge source of healing for me. It calms me, slows me down and doses out the fire in me that can burn a little too hot!!!
Peace.
I got sucked into the wedding season and life...Every weekend was an out of area weekend so that meant either traveling with my dogs or finding a dog sitter...as I do not put Moxie and Mocha in a kennel...omg. My computer crashed in July and then the semester required my full attention in the Fall.
I did manage to sneak in a trip to Kona in July for 5 short days and made sure I soaked in the ocean every day while I was there. Living in the California foothills works for me most of the time - unless it is scorching hot in the summer - then I feel land locked and can only think of being near the ocean. I actually considered renting a fog machine last summer during the heat wave. I think I might have been delusional and dehydrated....I'm laughing.
My 'o9 semester at the college was really amazing... all my classes had great chemistry and if I hear a lot of laughter during the darkroom lab then I assume that people are feeling open and creative. It is always hard for me to experience the end of the semester...The bonding, growth attachment, stuggles and success build to this sort of cresendo the last few weeks of class...and I am always a bit sad to say goodbye...so part of this holiday break is letting go.
I have been going through my own thing with photography.. Lately I have been comparing my relationship to photography to marriage; You fall love with it and are obsessed with it - then make a life committment to it...Then over time you realized that the fantasy of the profession is different then the reality..Like most things in life. After 12 years of running a business and shooting weddings intensely in the summer...My knees are feeling it and my body doen't quite recover as quickly after a gig like it used to. So i find myself asking myself: "Why am i doing this again?"...like someone might say.."why did I marry this person?....Well..Becasue I fell in love and at the time felt like it was the one thing in life that made me feel passionate and creative. And Happy. Photography fed me and made me feel alive and gave me a purpose. My challenge this year is to make more time to do my own work and to make more time for just me and my camera and no one else...to photography for me - not just when I'm getting paid. This is the risk when you turn something you love into work. I have just realized that I am more than a wedding photographer. I am an artist and need to make sure I keep that part of myself alive. Perhaps in a marriage with a person - the same thing happens. You go through a process where you realized you are more than just a part of a "couple". You are an individual and need to make sure that is nurtured and continues to grow. This is not an easy process. I went through a divorce one year ago...and part of the process for me was realizing that i couldn't grow as an individual if I remained in my marriage. Things change. It is no ones' fault really. It is amazing the pain that people choose to put themselves through to be free. Love and freedom rule us. it seems like life is a process of learning to love , learning to accept change and learning to let go...and this repeats itself over and over again in everything we do...and try to be.
I will take some classes in 2010 - just for me - not for my wedding business..concentrate more on people and their pets - which fascinates me. Teach more and offer my own workshops and I am also looking into a MA program in psychology with an emphasis on creativity. To me, my cameras have always been a source of healing and personal growth. In the creative process of photography I am able to work out and express many of the personal issues that come my way.
So it's about balance. Like a couple realizes they need to spend more time together and have "dates"...I need to spend more time alone with my camera and schedule that time... and even acknowledge how I have changed regarding how I "see" things during this process...
Ok...I'm out of coffee beans and need to get to the store after i swim. that's another thing I need to do at least 4 times a week. Swim. That is also a huge source of healing for me. It calms me, slows me down and doses out the fire in me that can burn a little too hot!!!
Peace.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
It's the last week of teaching...& this is my first blog entry...
I am ready to have my evenings back after the semester ends - although teaching photography at Columbia College has been the absolute best and most gratifying experience so far!
I'm also thinking that it wasn't too long ago that I said to someone..."What the hell is a blog?" or "Am I supposed to know what I blog is?" ( maybe even looking a little irritated). The next month will be spent photographing graduations and graduates, going to photo shows and getting ready for the wedding season as well as planting flowers and seeds like a total addict.
On May 9th I will be going to see and hear Sebastio Salgado talk about his life and share his photographic work . Two of my students this past year chose to do their presentations on this master. I am very excited about seeing him at The Palace of fine Arts in San Francisco..and of course will make a weekend of it.
My Wedding Season is looking interesting this year...from the Bay area to Napa to Mendocino and local wineries and ranches in the area. I am very fortunate to be able to continue to do this work as well as teach. Every day I hear or say myself finishing a sentence with.."In this economy." I am preparing to offer a Recession Proof wedding package for people who are getting married on Fridays or Sundays...or even eloping. Now THAT would be fun!
Well...this is my first blog. I wanted to get something online before I headed to bed. Moxie and Mocha are waiting! I could be here all night but there will be more to come...like musings on Photography and philosophy and advice for brides and practical stuff that helps people to stay mindful about what their wedding should be all about...Love...and maybe a little venting and humor and stories and sharing and growing and of course more about love.
I mean in this economy - We need it more than ever!
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